


Clouded Perception

by VictoriaAGrey



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Ohana, Organ Transplantation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 15:47:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7367770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VictoriaAGrey/pseuds/VictoriaAGrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being released from the hospital, Steve dreaded hearing all the reminders Danny was sure to drop about how he saved his life, that he needed to take care of his liver, etc. But he never said a word about it.</p>
<p>And Steve hated it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clouded Perception

**Author's Note:**

> Consider this piece me flipping the bird to Steve's blasé attitude in the finale and giving him exactly what he wants so he realizes THAT HE HATES IT SO MUCH

Leaning heavily on his arms braced on either side of the sink, Steve faced himself and the two choices he had in front of him. His family - _his ohana_ \- was already waiting for him in the backyard and he could faintly hear snatches of their conversations and laughter through the open doors. Every year since he came back to Hawaii, he hosted the first barbecue of the summer. That first barbecue, held when he was still acclimating to being home and trying to become friendly with the members of Five-0, was only attended by the members of Five-0 themselves.

This year was different.

Mary and Joan had flown in for the week. Joe deigned to make an appearance and if he was here, Steve didn’t discount the possibility of Doris lurking in the shadows. Danny’s parents and sisters had invaded Hawaii a few days before and brought all their Jersey attitude with them. Adam had been released from prison at dawn and with the exception of him and Kono spending a few hours alone at home, Steve’s house was their first stop. Rachel and Danny had reached some sort of truce that made it possible for them to be within ten feet of each other without attempting murder. Cath somehow pulled enough strings to be able to fly in for the day.

There was a lot riding on this barbecue and Steve knew everyone had just been playing along while he pretended it wasn’t as big of a deal as he knew it was. It was so many occasions rolled into one. _Welcome to Hawaii_. _Homecoming_. _Celebration of life_. Everyone who had ever given a damn about him and Danny was in his backyard waiting for him to come outside.

Steve knew that there was a certain anticipation surrounding his emergence from the house. He’d been cutting up fruit when Danny opened the door and his whole family came spilling in a full thirty minutes before anyone was supposed to arrive.

_“Daniel! You didn’t even knock!”_

_“He never does.” Steve walked out of the kitchen to see Clara gearing up to scold Danny for his slip in etiquette, his father firmly at her side and his sisters smirking behind their hands. “And here he calls ME the Neanderthal. At least I have the courtesy to knock before I walk into his house.”_

_“That’s bullshit and you know it, Steven.”_

_“Danny!”_

_“No, pop, listen. You know what this animal did?” Danny’s defensive posture only seemed to egg his sisters on and they started giggling. Steve put on his most innocent face, the one that was as fake as Danny’s supposed anger. “He picked the lock on my apartment -”_

_“- that lock was so weak it barely qualified as picking it.”_

_“- because he thought it would be funny to surprise me.”_

_“If you would recall, Daniel, I called before I came over to ask what your apartment number was.”_

_Danny rounded on him, hands flailing as he talked animatedly. “Oh, are you referring to the same conversation when you invited yourself over because you were “concerned that the cesspool” I lived in had finally “eaten” me alive?”_

_“That place was a dump, Danny! I had every right to be concerned. And at least I called. You had notice.”_

_“Notice!?” Steve loved the way Danny would laugh through his sarcastic words when he riled him up good over something that didn’t really bother him that much. They just liked to argue and shout their feelings and these lighthearted arguments gave them an outlet to do it. “Then would you care to explain all those times I came home only to find you on MY couch, watching MY TV, drinking MY beer, all without notice?”_

_“Resource conservation?”_

_The ping-ponging Danny’s family’s eyes were doing stopped as they burst into laughter when Danny’s jaw dropped, like he could not believe what Steve had just said. Steve always thrived on these rare moments of speechlessness because they didn’t happen often and when they did, Steve took a measure of pride in knowing he had shocked Danny by saying something so patently ludicrous he couldn’t quite process it._

_“I’m starting to get why that whole liver transplant business happened,” Marissa chuckled to her sister._

_“Yeah, I’m starting to see it, too,” Stella remarked, smacking Danny’s arm. “Jesus, wouldn’t it have been easier to spring for a ring?”_

_“He always was a little overdramatic when it came to his grand gestures of eternal love and devotion.”_

_“At least we won’t have to deal with that shit ever again because there is no way he is ever outdoing this.”_

_“Don’t word it like that. He might take it as a challenge.”_

_“Ignoring tweedledum and tweedledumber over here,” Danny loudly announced as he stepped in front of them. “We’re all here because I came over to help set up and when they found out I was helping, they wanted to help.”_

_“Getting five Williamses for the price of one?”_

_“Something like that,” Eddie chimed in with a smile. “Now, son, what needs to be done?”_

Steve had tried to deter them, telling them that he could handle the final preparations himself while they relaxed, but arguing with a Williams, nevertheless five of them, was a losing battle. Clara started mixing drinks and organizing them into coolers. Eddie prepared some marinades for the chicken and steaks. The sisters took to decorating the backyard and Danny cleaned the downstairs area and let everyone in. Truthfully, Steve appreciated having the time to himself to shower and get ready. He had a choice to make and some time alone, along with the reminder of who in all was downstairs, was exactly what he needed.

It may not seem like much, but Steve didn’t know if he was ready to show the world his transplant scars. The angry red they had been had faded to a vibrant pink; the tender skin, though somewhat numb to the touch, was well on its way to healing. He wasn’t embarrassed of them, far from it in fact, but they seemed so... personal in a way none of his other scars were. They were markers of his newfound weakness. An exploitable chink in his armor.

But, more importantly, they were a sign of Danny’s sacrifice. That someone in the world loved him enough to open their body and give him a piece of themselves in the hope that he would live. With a dawning awareness, Steve ran his fingers over the scar’s edges. He wouldn’t do himself or Danny the disservice of hiding this new part of who he was.

Walking out of his bedroom and downstairs wearing only his board shorts, Steve held his head high and strode confidentially towards the voices of the people he loved and who loved him in return. Stopping in the kitchen doorway, he watched everyone through the windows. Chin and Abby were dancing in the shadows of palm trees. Kono was flicking bits of ice at Adam to distract him as he threw the football to Nahele and Charlie. Kamekona and Flippa were helping Eddie and Eric set up food on the long table Steve bought specifically for these barbecues. Grace, Samantha, and William were running through the water as Lou shot at them with a water gun. Rachel and Sam were laughing at something Cath and Jerry were trying to demonstrate. Steve catalogued the scene as his heart swelled with the love he had miraculously surrounded himself with. Every reason he had to live and smile at the new day was in his backyard waiting for him.

The bright Hawaiian sun warmed his skin as he stepped onto the lanai and down onto the grass. Several heads turned his way as they noticed his entrance, but Steve barely registered them. All he could see was Danny, his skin golden in the sun’s rays and smile brilliant as he turned and saw Steve. There were corresponding scars on Danny’s chest to match Steve’s own and the sight made his breath catch. Without realizing what he was doing, Steve walked towards Danny and into his open arms.

Steve held on tight, hoping that everything he was feeling could be telegraphed through his skin. If there was anyone who could understand, it was Danny. He could feel one of Danny’s hands resting at the nape of his neck as the other rested on his spine; two spots he was trained to protect because of their vulnerability and yet he felt safer with Danny’s hands on them. Pulling away after some indeterminate amount of time, Steve smiled at Danny and Danny’s responding smile was radiant, the expression making something – _finally_ \- click into place.

Out of the corner of his eye, Steve saw that their ohana had gathered around them and were all wearing expressions of happiness, some holding cameras and cellphones to capture the moment. Steve put an arm around Danny’s shoulders and pulled him into his side, Danny’s arm wrapping around his waist as they posed for the cameras. Steve half-expected some quip about their matching scars or some comment like “this moment brought to you by Danny Williams,” but there was nothing and Steve allowed himself to get carried away by his family’s joy.

~~~

“So, how’s Catherine?”

Steve took his eyes off the road to look over at Danny. The question came from out of nowhere and he didn’t seem particularly happy to be asking it; in fact, he looked like he’d rather be chewing glass. Danny liked Cath, he knew he did, and it bothered Steve that he couldn’t quite place the tone of his voice or his reluctant expression.

Brow furrowed, Steve looked back to the road. “Fine, I guess. You know she can’t contact me while she’s under deep cover.”

“Yeah, sorry. Nevermind.”

Hating the stilted feeling between them, Steve drummed his fingers on the steering wheel to distract himself. Aside from when Danny let her into the house and an awkward hug goodbye, he hadn’t seen them interact once during the barbecue, which was so far out of the norm that Steve had been baffled by it. He’d meant to ask what the problem was, but only a few hours later she was gone and the next time Steve was alone with Danny was the next day when they were called on a case. Now that Danny had brought back up all of his concerns, in however oblique a way, Steve knew there was something there that he didn’t know about.

“Alright,” Steve said as he cleared his throat. “What happened?”

“What do you mean, what happened? I know we have that whole “communication that is unspoken” thing going on but it doesn’t mean I can read your mind.”

“What happened with Cath?”

“Nothing happened with Cath. I was just trying to be nice - like a normal, well-adjusted person - and ask how she is.”

“You could have asked her yourself a month ago.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Danny’s defensive tone told Steve he was on the right track. He only ever had that tone when he really didn’t want to talk about something. “It means that you barely spoke to her while she was here and now you’re asking how she is? You’re not making any sense.”

“You know what? Just forget I said anything.”

“Sorry, buddy. Not this time.” Steve took a wrong turn to the crime scene to give them enough time to talk, knowing Danny wouldn’t be any the wiser because he wasn’t as familiar with this part of the island as he was with Honolulu. “What happened?”

“Nothing, Steve!” Danny’s arms flung through the air in agitated motions, which was never a good sign. “What part of “nothing” did you not understand!?”

“The part where there obviously is something and you’re doing your damndest not to say what it is!”

“Because it doesn’t matter and I don’t wanna talk about!”

Taking a deep breath, Steve clinched and unclenched his hands from their death grip on the steering wheel. “Well, it matters to me when the two people I am closest to in this world are on the outs with each other and I don’t know why.”

That seemed to take the wind out of Danny’s sails because he sunk in his seat and ran his hands over his face. “Please, don’t be angry, okay?”

Steve did not like the sound of that. “Danny, what the hell?”

“Hey, it wasn’t anything like... like _that_ , okay? Just – please, don’t be angry.”

“You can’t make me promise not to react a certain way when I have no idea where this is going.”

“Okay, you’re right, okay? Just... please remember that I did it because I love you, not because I was going behind your back or anything. Steve, can you do that for me, please?”

Every scenario that bubbled up in Steve’s imagination popped as Danny kept talking. He knew Danny would never do anything malicious or betray him in anyway, but Danny’s pleading put him on edge. Had he done or said something that he was sorry for? Maybe even embarrassed of? He was obviously anxious about how Steve would react and as the seconds passed, he started moving uncomfortably in his seat. Steve couldn’t promise not to get angry, but he could absolutely honor his other request. He knew Danny well enough to know that everything he did was somehow out of love. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” he said with such relief that Steve regretted how long it took him to respond. “Last time Cath came around, I had a talk with her.”

“A talk?”

“Yeah, a talk. I asked her to meet me at my spot and we... I, um, I made her promise me that she wasn’t going to leave again.”

“You tried to make her promise to stay?” Steve wasn’t getting how that was supposed to make him angry. In fact, now that he was considering it, he would’ve been more surprised if Danny hadn’t tried something like that. “You know that’s not a promise she can make.”

“You see that, right there, is the entire problem!” Danny’s hand made a pointed stabbing motion in the air, his agitation back in full force. “She _can_ stay, she _has_ stayed, but she keeps running off and leaving you hanging. I hate it, Steve. I hate it so fucking much because I see what it does to you and I told her that! I told her that and she promised me there was no place else she’d rather be and then she fucking left. She lied to me and I’m mad, okay? I’m mad at her because you refuse to be.”

“Her heart isn’t here, Danny, it’s with her job. I know that. Hell, I’ve always known that but I wanted to keep her anyway. I love her and I just, I don’t know, wanted to keep her a bit longer before she left again.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Steve could see Danny’s expression and it hurt a little to know he was the cause of it. He looked almost heartbroken.

“Jesus, Steve, is that really the way you think? That you have to make a huge commitment like marriage just to keep somebody around?”

“Everybody leaves in the end.” Mentally, Steve interchanged _in_ with _me_. He’d faced that cold, hard fact ages ago. You can’t call them abandonment issues if they were true. “Think about it. Catherine was on assignment with the Navy for most of our relationship and my best friend is only here because of his kids. ” Laughing as the thought occurred to him, Steve smiled at Danny, hoping to lighten the mood. “I’d propose to you if I thought it’d work.”

Danny started rubbing over the area of his chest where Steve knew his transplant scars were. He waited for Danny to make a glib joke about how a piece of him would always be in Hawaii, but after a minute of silence he just mumbled, “You never know until you try.”

Steve said nothing.

~~~

The wind blowing through Steve’s hair as he chased after their perp, the first to put up an honest to god chase since his return to the job full time a few weeks ago, rejuvenated his energy reserves. He loved a good pursuit and the guy he was running after was an Olympian. A smile stretched across his face as he pushed himself harder, his legs burning as the lactic acid mounted in his muscles after a high-speed, over two mile chase.

“He’s running into the alley between Lani’s and Coral Prince,” Lou informed Steve over his earpiece from the news helicopter he’d... commandeered. He could only imagine how pleased the reporter must be to be on the case with Five-0; probably reporting live because the press had a fascination with reporting their every move whenever possible.

“Got it.”

As Steve turned down the alley and moved to jump over a crate, a loud bang cracked and reverberating off of the brick buildings, the breath getting knocked out of his lungs. The impact of the bullet stopped his forward motion and spun him sideways, his arms and legs flying uselessly from shock. He hit the ground hard, his teeth clicking together painfully before he grabbed his side and groaned loudly in pain.

There was a commotion going on in his earpiece. Kono was yelling for the reporter to call the paramedics. Chin was driving to intercept the perp as Lou shouted directions. Danny was screaming his name. He tried to tell them that the bullet was embedded in the Kevlar of his tac vest, but he was coughing so hard his throat was sore and he couldn’t get two words out, his lungs still trying to stabilize from the hit.

“Steve!” Danny was suddenly kneeling next to him, his hands frantically travelling over his arms and tac vest. “Talk to me, babe! Come on!”

“Da-,” was all he could get out before he started coughing again.

Danny’s hands worked fast at undoing the buckles of his tac vest and he unceremoniously flung the front of it over Steve’s head before pulling it back under a bit to cushion his head against the ground. He ran his hands over his stomach worriedly and then pulled his shirt up to expose his bare chest, his hands gently probing around the area where the bullet had impacted with the Kevlar and was likely to leave a nasty bruise. Deflating now that he knew Steve would be okay, Danny rested his hands over the chevron transplant scars and bent his head, taking a deep breath Steve could still hear over his coughing, which was thankfully starting to calm down. Steve moved a hand so it would rest over Danny’s and he put pressure on his hand, pushing on it so he could feel the lines of his scar against the palm of his hand. Danny turned his hand over and briefly gripped his before dropping it and standing up.

“The Kevlar caught it. He’ll be fine.”

While Steve moved to sit against the brick wall to catch his breath, he watched Danny pace in front of him, periodically casting his eyes his way before looking away. He rested a hand over his scar, the skin hot where Danny had laid his hands, and he wanted Danny to say something, anything to break the silence, but nothing came.

~~~

The letter formalizing his medical discharge from the Navy was sitting innocuously on the desk that had once served as his father’s. Steve had stared at it for close to an hour, rereading it over and over again until the words all blurred together. Not that it mattered. He’d long memorized the words officially ending his military career.

It wasn’t that it came as a shock. He’d known a man who had been discharged for developing adult onset asthma, nevertheless having a complete organ transplant. His dependence on anti-rejection meds disqualified him from active duty, hence why he was being let go. The letter from Admiral Komack assured him that he would be retired in a formal ceremony that would culminate in him receiving the rank of Commander. Steve didn’t feel as flattered by the letter as he’s sure the admiral intended him to be.

Six years he’d been in the reserves and five years since he’d started thinking of himself as more a member of Five-0 and less like a SEAL, but it still stung. He’d given the best years of his life to the Navy and to have his career ended not because he’d hit the twenty year mark, but because some drug runners shot his liver to hell, felt like he’d failed somehow. Steve needed a moment to get away and process what the change would mean, so he texted the team that he wouldn’t be available for the day (and left a note for Danny taped to the door knowing he’d probably swing by his house to check on him) and left with his hiking pack for the Ko’olau Range.

The unchanged scenery began to soothe his frayed nerves and he hiked the beaten path he’d always taken with his father, the same one he now trekked with Danny once a year. When he reached the summit, Steve laid down and watched the thin clouds in the blue sky twist in swirls reminiscent of those in van Gogh’s Starry Night.

Thinking of the painting reminded Steve of the week before when Grace had come over to do her homework on the beach. She’d called early that morning asking if she could come over to do her art assignment, claiming that the ocean would help inspire her. Steve said she could, of course he did, and she was dropped off by Rachel’s chauffeur after breakfast with all of her art supplies. After helping her set up the easel in the sand, he left her alone so she could concentrate, but he kept an eye on her while reading a book on the lanai.

_“Grace, it’s time for lunch,” Steve called to her from the table on the lanai where he’d set up a simple lunch of club sandwiches and tomato soup._

_“Coming!”_

_She carefully laid down her brush and palette and bounded over to the table. He could see that she had definitely made progress on whatever she was working on, but he couldn’t make out any details from his distance._

_“How’s your painting coming along?”_

_“Okay, I guess,” she sounded uncertain. “I think my plans may have been too ambitious.”_

_Steve finished chewing the bite of his sandwich before he replied. “Why do you say that?”_

_“Because it’s so... big. It didn’t seem so big in my head.”_

_“What is it that you’re trying to paint?”_

_“A storm on the ocean. I’m focusing on the clouds so they look somewhat like Monet’s, but I’m not that good. Not yet anyway.”_

_“Have you been learning art history in your art class? Not just the techniques they used, but what each movement meant.”_

_“A little.” Grace tore off a corner of her sandwich and dipped it in the soup. She looked sullen as she ate the bit and glanced towards her painting._

_“Monet was a French Impressionist. He believed that one’s perception of what they saw was more important than trying to create a carbon copy of it.” He smiled at Grace as she looked at him evidently impressed by his knowledge in something other than combat. “He wouldn’t want you copying him. He’d want you to paint what you feel.”_

_“That sounds so personal.”_

_“It is. I never had the courage to put myself out there like that.”_

_“But you and Danno are the bravest men I know.”_

_Swallowing around a lump in his throat, Steve leaned forward and squeezed Grace’s hand. “There’s all kinds of bravery. I was never good at expressing myself on an emotional level. Music. Art. They reveal so much about a person. I could never do it.”_

_“Then how do you express how you feel if you don’t say it?”_

_“Actions. I try to show people how I feel about them.”_

_“It sounds like there’s a lot of room for miscommunication there.”_

_“There is,” Steve chuckled, the self-deprecating nature of his humor known only to himself._

_Grace’s eyes fell to the Navy logo on his chest. “I wonder what that says about Danno.”_

_Before Steve could formulate a reply, Grace had already thanked him for lunch and his advice with a kiss on the cheek and run back to her easel. Steve spent the rest of the day thinking about his new scars, the numb feel of them turning into an itch he couldn’t scratch._

It was just past noon when Steve noticed that the clouds were graying with rain on what had been forecast as a sunny day. Steve couldn’t think of a more appropriate metaphor for the day he was having. Rolling his eyes at his misfortune and Hawaii’s typical weather unpredictability, he got up and started working his way back down the trail, hoping he could beat the storm to a safe point to wait it out.

Fifteen minutes in was when he felt the first few drops of rain splash on his face. Knowing that gave him five minutes at most to take cover, Steve rushed to the small rock protrusion where the petroglyphs were. Not sixty seconds after he took cover under the jutting edge did the rain start to come down in earnest.

The storm lasted hours, waxing and waning in its intensity, but Steve only needed to witness the first few minutes to know he was fucked. The trail was dirt and would now be useless unless he felt inclined to wade through sticky mud. The absolute earliest he could make a break for it was after nightfall and he couldn’t guarantee the safety of the trail or his ability to navigate around potential mudslides cutting off access to portions of it. He was stuck.

Digging through his pack, he checked his water and rations. He had enough to last him through the day so he wouldn’t become dehydrated or starve, but he knew that he was risking his health by not eating like his post-transplant diet required. He was still being weaned into eating certain foods and he was positive that protein bars weren’t next on the list. Not to mention that he hadn’t brought his night regiment of pills, thinking he would be home before sunset. It wasn’t likely that he would suffer any adverse effects by missing one dose time, but that didn’t stop him from worrying about that tiny margin that said he might. Danny would murder him if he already wrecked his new liver like he predicted he would.

Steve watched the sun fade and rain tapper off from his little spot. He’d never been there after nightfall and it was beautiful. The stars were out in full force, shining brightly away from the city’s light pollution. He listened to the song of the night’s creatures coming out for their turn at the day and it was to those sounds he fell asleep, his pack pillowing his head as he laid on his side. After what felt like minutes that were really hours, Steve was awoken by a loud whirring sound.

“Commander McGarrett!”

Opening his eyes, Steve rubbed the sleep away as he took in everything around him. Judging by the sun’s position, it was a little past seven in the morning and there was a man lowering a safety harness to him from where he was suspended from a helicopter.

“Are you able to put on the harness?” the man called to him over the sound.

Waving to him in the affirmative, he got up, strapped his pack on, and put on the harness. Once it was secure, Steve and his rescuer were slowly lifted back into the helicopter while he was asked general questions about his wellbeing. It was only when he was actually pulled into the helicopter did he see the source of his early morning rescue.

“Danny!”

To say Danny looked pissed would be the understatement of the year and Steve really couldn’t blame him this time. He looked tired, probably from a night without sleep, and he looked at him only long enough to glare daggers into him before he turned away and started rummaging through his own pack. As Steve was strapped into his seat, he made sure to remember all the apologies he had planned knowing Danny would be just like this if he found out about his accidental extended stay on the range. His rescuer passed him a headset and he immediately put it on.

“Danny, I’m -”

“Do you feel sick?” Danny asked, cutting him off with a tone that could cut diamonds.

“What?”

“Answer the question, Steve! Do you feel sick?”

“No.”

“Are you nauseous?”

“No. Danny -”

“Chills? Aches? Are you breathing okay?”

Steve was starting to feel sick, but not from organ rejection like Danny was checking for. He wanted Danny to yell at him, wanted him to yell and scream about how reckless he was being with the liver he gave him. He wanted him to finally say _something_ about the organ keeping him alive. “I’m fine. Danny, please -”

“Take these now.” Danny’s hand emerged from the depths of his pack with a small baggie filled with what Steve immediately recognized as his morning pill regiment. His chest hurt at the sight. “And drink this whole thing.”

Steve took the baggie and popped all five pills in his mouth, swallowing them down with the water Danny handed him.

“Commander McGarrett,” one of the rescuers called over the headset. “We’ve been informed about your medical status and we highly recommend you let the paramedics waiting for us take you to the hospital for a once over.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Steve readily agreed, knowing it was what Danny would want. “Danny -”

When Steve turned to him and said his name, Danny gave him one last glare before he yanked off his headset and threw it in his lap. Steve barely caught them and the nauseous feeling in his gut made bile rise in his throat. He knew he’d worried Danny, he did, and he truly was sorry. He couldn’t imagine what Danny had gone through since he’d found his note, probably waiting for him to come home for hours before he realized something was wrong. There were so many scenarios Danny had likely worked through to explain his disappearance and his predilection for assuming the worst meant he jumped to terrible conclusions. Steve felt a sense of shame overcome him when he looked at Danny and saw the watery quality of his eyes as he looked down on the landscape. His selfish desire to run away and hide from his problems for a little while lead to this and he hated himself a little bit for it.

Once the helicopter settled on the ground, Danny hurriedly unbuckled himself and climbed out, shrugging off Steve’s attempt to grab his arm. Steve watched as he made his way towards a waiting paramedic and having a few words with her before he got into his Camaro, Steve calling his name several times to no avail while paramedics looked him over.

When Steve asked the paramedic what he had said to her and she told him that Danny had requested she have the doctor forward him the results of his exam, he felt the shame in his system get injected with anger hot enough to ball his hands into fists so tight he felt the muscles pull.

~~~

Knocking on the doorframe to Danny’s office to get his attention, Steve smiled when he looked up from his computer. “Hey. Just wanted to let you know I’ll be back an hour late from lunch.”

Steve had been paying special attention to letting Danny know where he was going and for about how long after the Ko’olau incident a month or so ago. The one they still didn’t talk about. Conversations between them had been chilly and strained for weeks, but Steve felt like his recent consideration in keeping Danny informed of his whereabouts made things a little better.

“Oh?” Danny looked relaxed as he leaned back in his chair and looked up at Steve. “And where is my favorite benevolent dictator off to?”

“I always knew that would come back to bite me in the ass,” Steve laughed. “Today’s my monthly check up with Dr. Sullivan.”

Danny didn’t change his position, but Steve could feel that he’d tensed up somehow. He didn’t know how to explain it, but something told him that Danny’s calm mood had rapidly evaporated.

“Okay, well, have a good appointment. I’ll keep the rugrats in check until you come back.”

“Do you want to come?”

“Do you want me to?” Danny asked, his brow furrowed in deliberation.

Smiling at him in what he was pretty sure was Danny’s favorite smile (based on no more data than it being the only one that worked in getting him out of a rant occasionally), Steve replied, “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”

And that was all it took. Danny shut down his computer while Steve told the rest of Five-0 they were going to be back late and they were off to lunch. Steve treated Danny to Roma’s, knowing it was one of the few places that had “passable” Italian food, before they went to Dr. Sullivan’s office. After checking in, Steve took the seat next to Danny, putting an arm around his shoulders and leaning in to read whatever article Danny had opened to in Sports Illustrated.

Steve wondered if he was technically lying by omission by not telling Danny why he actually brought him along. He did want his company, that much was true, but what he really wanted to see was what he would do in an environment where he couldn’t escape talking about his liver. Since their release from the hospital nearly a year ago, Danny hadn’t said one word about the damn thing. The word liver never left his mouth and, contrary to what Steve originally thought he wanted, he _hated_ it. Every day that passed and he said nothing made Steve angrier and he knew he was on the verge of reaching some breaking point. It wasn’t that he thought Danny didn’t care, but his complete avoidance of directly addressing what had happened and why Steve was alive was grating on every nerve in Steve’s body.

“Steve McGarrett, we’re ready for you,” the pretty blonde nurse (Nancy, according to her nametag) said from the doorway leading to the examination rooms.

Patting Danny on the shoulder, he stood up. “That’s us.”

“No, that’s you,” Danny said, his protest not amounting to much as he stood and followed Steve. “God forbid I ever become a part of a single entity with you named Steve McGarrett.”

“Would you prefer we be called Danny Williams?”

“Is simply being called partners not good enough for you anymore?” Getting Nancy’s attention, he exaggerated his exasperation with the situation, much to her amusement. “No matter what I do, it’s never good enough.”

“Maybe you need to put a ring on it.”

Clearly she misunderstood Danny’s meaning of the word partners and Steve laughed at his slack-jawed expression as he stood on the scale to get weighed. “Yeah, Danny, come on. Make an honest man out of me.”

“Amobarbital couldn’t make an honest man out of you.”

“That’s hurtful, Daniel!” Nancy laughed at them as she signaled for Steve to step off the scale and follow her into the nearest examination room. “When have I ever lied to you?”

“How about every time we go out to a bar and you promise to pay and WHOOPS your wallet has suddenly disappeared?” Danny took the seat next to the examination table Steve sat on.

“I never lied. I just... forgot where my wallet was.”

“You’re an idiot.”

With nothing better to do after answering all of Nancy’s preliminary questions about his health before the doctor came in, Steve took the pen from the cabinet countertop and drew a tic tac toe board on the annoying paper cover of the examination table. He knew he could goad Danny into playing a game with him no matter how stupid he knew he thought it was. By the time the doctor showed up, he and Danny had completed ten games and were trying to the finish the eleventh.

“Do neither one of you know the tricks about placement?” Dr. Sullivan asked as he observed their spread.

“That’s the problem,” Danny informed him as he marked an X in the final space. “We both do.”

“Neither one of us has won a game against each other. It always ends in a draw.”

“That’s got to be frustrating.”

“Not really,” Steve shrugged and turned so he could face Dr. Sullivan in his chair. “It’s more or less a way to kill time now. We stopped being competitive about it ages ago.”

“I was never competitive about it. He was for the first six or-so hundred times.”

Steve wasn’t given any time to retort before Dr. Sullivan intervened with a laugh and started his examination. He asked the usual questions about his daily activity, water consumption, diet, whether or not he was still taking his pills religiously. Steve answered them all with ease knowing he was following his instructions to the letter, instead channeling his attention into watching Danny. He could tell that he was actively engaged in listening, watching Dr. Sullivan and nodding his head in understanding as he discussed the timetable they were looking at to finally getting him down to only one or two pills a day. Danny even stood and watched as Dr. Sullivan examined his abdomen and the area where his liver was, checking that he wasn’t swollen or in pain.

“Do you have any questions or concerns?” the doctor asked after he finished the examination and affirmed Steve’s continued good health.

“No.” Steve turned and looked at Danny, hopeful that he might have something to say. “Do you?”

Danny crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head, not looking at Steve. “No. Thank you, doctor.”

~~~

Due to Danny not having Grace and Charlie for the weekend, Steve fully expected him to come over for the Yankee’s game and he wasn’t disappointed. By the time he waltzed into the living room carrying pizza and a six pack of root beer, the game was already on and as loud as he normally liked it. The pizza was, as usual, delicious and the game even better, according to Danny. Steve liked baseball just fine, but the only reason he watched it as regularly as he did was because of Danny. After the game, they walked outside and sat in their chairs on the shore, both shoeless and digging their feet into the sand. Claiming that he was thirsty, Steve left and went into the kitchen.

Steve took a deep breath as he looked into the refrigerator at the six pack of Longboards he’d picked up earlier in the day. Pretty soon Danny would be able to start drinking again, but the story was completely different for Steve. He could never drink again. Ever. It was the one of few things that he would have to avoid for life due to its potential to counteract the anti-rejection meds he was taking. Steve knew that and he knew Danny did as well. What he was about to do was low, enough so to make him reconsider his actions, but his anger at Danny for not saying anything about the liver had swelled into desperation capable of making him do stupid things just in the hopes that it would get some sort of reaction out of him. Grabbing a Longboard, he popped off the cap and walked outside.

“Hey, babe, could you -” Danny had been walking towards the house when he froze not ten feet away from Steve, eyes zeroed in on the Longboard in his hand.

“You want one?” Steve asked, lifting the beer to his lips and pretending to swallow a mouthful. Danny watched the movement with a murderous expression, but it was his eyes that told the story Steve wanted to hear. Beneath righteous fury, they looked so _hurt_. “It’s been awhile.”

Time stopped for a moment. Steve stared at Danny, willing him to scream at him everything he hadn’t been saying and Danny stared back, the betrayal in his eyes mounting at what he believed Steve was doing. Danny’s fists clinched and unclenched at his sides and he started shaking his head with a look of wounded incredulity.

Glaring at Steve, he said, “I’m leaving.”

When he moved to walk past Steve is when the fiery emotions churning through Steve’s blood boiled over. He threw the bottle with all his strength at the house and it shattered against the wall near the door, glass shards sparkling in the light from the kitchen windows and beer rolling down the wood siding. Steve barely noticed Danny startle at his side.

“What the hell was that for!?” Danny yelled at him, pressing every button Steve wanted him to press.

“Say something!” Steve screamed back, Danny holding his ground and showing no fear in the face of Steve’s rage. “Something! Anything!”

“What do you want me to say, Steve!? Huh? What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to say something about the fucking liver! You’ve said nothing, not one word since we left the hospital. I’ve been shot at, stranded in the rainforest without my pills. You think I just drank a fucking beer! What do I have to do to get you to say something? Do you even care!?”

Danny’s hand balled into a fist but before he actually punched him, he moved both hands to his waist and turned away from him. Steve watched the rise and fall of his shoulders with his shallow breaths. When he turned back, he still looked furious but the pain in his eyes overpowered everything.

“You have some fucking nerve asking me that.”

Steve deflated under Danny’s quiet reprimand, the burning out of his anger leaving him only with an elevated pulse and short breaths. He was shaking.

“Then why didn’t you say anything? You’ve left me with nothing, like it never happened.”

“I took care of you, didn’t I?” Danny asked, his hands moving in a gesture that was meant to encompass Steve’s person. “You bitched about how you would have to listen to me forever reminding you of the liver and I just... I don’t know, decided to do the opposite. We weren’t doing so hot before that mess and I just thought that if I did what you wanted you’d be happier. But I always made sure you were okay. Don’t you dare take that away from me.”

“I’m not taking anything away from you, Danny. I just want you to acknowledge what happened, what it means.” Steve tried to show Danny everything he felt because he knew his words would never do him justice. “I know what it means.”

Danny extended a hand and rested it on his chest, right above his liver. He knew Danny could feel the scar through his shirt and he ran his thumb over it. Steve watched Danny as he continued to silently stare at his hand until his face softened and he looked overwhelmed. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Pulling Danny into his arms, Steve held him tightly and he felt Danny’s arms return the favor. Feeling Danny against him felt right and Steve buried his face in his neck, wanting to memorize the feel of him and the smell of his skin. Steve felt Danny adjust himself so their foreheads rested against each other’s and their noses brushed at the slightest movement. Deciding to make the final move, Steve leaned in and kissed him for the first time, Danny's lips warm and welcoming against his.

Steve and Danny stayed there for awhile, kissing and enjoying the feel of being held by someone they loved so completely, knowing beyond a shadow of doubt that while it may have taken them a long time to get there, every second was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your kudos, comments, critiques, angry banshee screams, or whatever you leave for me here or at my Tumblr ***[mycroft-silently-judges-you](http://mycroft-silently-judges-you.tumblr.com)***


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